Currently Untitled
by Axel Demitra
Summary: The team needs help with the Kira case, so they call in Axel and Eminor. LXOC with a side of LightXOC-yaoi. Contains crack.
1. Chapter 1

This is a story written by me and my friend Eminor (ee-mi-ner). It does not follow the story line, so there shouldn't be any spoilers. It is slightly cracked and contains yaoi. Thou hast been warnethed. Flames will be used to burn the producers of this stupid movie I'm watching.

* * *

Axel stopped his motorcycle in front of the tall, secure building and pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. On the paper was the following letter which has been edited for the safety of those involved:

Dear -----,  
----- requires your assistance in ----- -----. If you are interested, please contact me at ------------ on a secure line, and I will give you more information.  
Sincerely,

PS. Destroy this.  
Axel looked to the left, and then to the right, crumpled the paper and shoved it in his mouth.

* * *

L sighed in irritation. They were making no progress in the Kira investigation. L's spirits rose slightly when Watari came in with a tray of cake.

"By the way, Ryuzaki'' he said, "I've contacted Axel Demitra and he's agreed to help us."

"Who's he?" Matsuda asked.

"Good question," L muttered.

"Axel Demitra is a genius. He skipped grades 1, 5 and 8, and finished high school in 2 years. He has a degree in Psychology, Psychiatry, Medicine and Biology. As a psychiatrist, he can find personalities that could be Kira," Watari explained. "He changes his name quite often. Ryuzaki, I believe you know him as Flex."

"Oh, him," L groaned.

"What's wrong with him?" Light wondered.

"He's immature, childish, he takes nothing seriously, he acts like an idiot, and he bases everything on psychology. He expects everyone to tell him their deepest secrets yet he wouldn't even tell someone he loves what he's thinking. He thinks like a musician half the time and a psychiatrist the next and never refers to people by their names if he can help it. And he always eats my candy!! Plus he—"

The cake-eating cutie was silenced by the impact of a drumstick to the back of his head, after bouncing off the wall, originating from the hand of a very angered man, standing in the doorway.

Axel was tall with navy blue hair and vibrant green eyes with dark rings around the irises. His right eyebrow was pierced, as was his right ear. There was a small, red tattoo of a treble clef under his right eye. His bangs covered most of the left side of his face. He was wearing ripped jeans and a black, short-sleeved top with a hood. He had black, fingerless gloves on and a studded bracelet on one wrist. On his feet were black, leather boots with small, thick heels.

"What are you?" Matsuda asked.

"I am a nocturnal monkey transvestite. What do you think?"

"I meant who," Matsuda blushed.

"That makes more sense. I am Axel Demitra. Hey, Lollipop! Long time no see, eh!"

Axel's voice was deep, but not too deep. It was the perfect pitch to be called sexy.

"Hello, Axel. I'm assuming that Watari has explained the situation to you?" L said.

"Yup, and I think you may have missed something."

"What, if I may ask, do you believe that is?"

"Recently, the only people killed have been Caucasian males."

"What does that mean? About who Kira is, I mean," Matsuda asked.

"It's most likely someone African, right?" Aizawa said.

"I don't think so. I think it might be a woman who was abused in one way or another. Kira doesn't just dislike men; she hates them. In my experience, the people who hate men this much are usually lesbians. Not to bash lesbians. One of my best friends in high school was a lesbian."

"Please stick to relevant details only," L requested.

"Could you bring up a map showing where all of Kira's victims were from for the past two months? Thanks, that's perfect. Almost 12 percent of his – or hers, if I'm right – were from the state of Arizona in the US. All of his/hers/its victims are scattered around the world with less than 7 percent in each, except for there. This Kira's smart. Not first Kira smart, but smart."

"So we're looking for a Caucasian lesbian from Arizona (1)?" Mogi asked.

"If I'm right, yes. If I'm wrong, then probably not."

L bit down on his fork a bit too hard, breaking it.

"… A lesbian from Arizona? Who would've guessed?"

"See Lollipop? I'm a geni-ass." He grinned.

Light raised his eyebrow at Axel's new word, and stared at the odd man, and started summing him up.

_'His outfit is so…punkish. I bet he's on drugs. He must be on drugs. Yes...drugs...will explain the eyes too…must be drug rings in his eyes. And that HAIR!' _Light scoffed inwardly. 'I_t's not possible to be born with blue hair, so… he dyed it. Why blue?! Maybe he's in that Yakuza! Oh god, how could L know this person!?'  
_  
His thoughts were cut off by a warm hand on his cheek, raising his face so that he was inches away from a very amused Axel.

"You've been staring at me. Why? Do you think I'm hot? I mean, I know I'm gorgeous, and all…mmm...You're kinda' cute yourself. …" Axel cooed, wrapping his free arm around the shocked Light's waist.

Axel pulled him closer and stared at him, bringing him closer with each passing second.

"Lemme guess", he whispered right into Light's ear. "Nocturnal monkey transvestites turn you on?"

* * *

Reviews are appreciated. Flames, not so much.

Lyl,

Axel Demitra and Keyof Eminor


	2. Chapter 2

CHAP 2!!! WOOT!! Thatnkies for all the reviews.

* * *

Light pulled away from him and gaped.

"…"

L, who had been watching the scene with interest, decided so kindly, to intervene.

"Axel, please stop sexually harassing my team," he sighed

"Aw, Lollipop, you're no fun," Axel groaned in response.

He put his hand on his hip, causing his shirt to raise slightly, enough for Light to notice something.

"Axel, what's the scar on your back?" He asked.

"Piece of advice, Pretty Boy: Never date a sadist. At first, they're just a little rough, then the next thing you know, they're carving their name on your back, and you almost lose your job because you missed three days of work without calling in sick, which you couldn't, because you were tied up and passed out from pain on your bedroom floor.''

And the whole room was silent.

"Relevant details only," L reminded him.

"Sorry Lollipop, didn't mean to go all Eddie Izzard on you. 'The meek; they want it all. Don't watch this film if you're on IV Profane; If your legs are na- legs are nailed to your mother, if your jam lives in your…' Never mind.''

"The only reason you should be talking about anyone is if they are Kira. And since we're looking for a lesbian, I highly doubt this is who we're after," L said impatiently.

What was it about Axel that turned reasonable people into balls of fury?

"Well, Eddie Izzard _is_ a transvestite…" he trailed off.

"AXEL!"

"AJ did it!"

"Who's AJ?" Matsuda wondered.

"Where in Arizona should we look?" L asked.

"Phoenix. It's the largest city in Arizona, and it's all I've got so far."

"How are we supposed to find a lesbian from here?" Matsuda asked.

"Run a search for women in Arizona that live with other women and see what we get, eh."

* * *

"You know," Axel said suddenly, "I've got a friend in Phoenix that could help scout for our lesbian chick. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. Except that she's straight…''

"…Ok? Call her then," said L from the corner.

"Will do," said Axel, pulling out his cell phone and dialing.

"Yo. How's it, eh? …Still a stripper for the old folk's home down the street? ...Relax, I'm kidding. I SAID I'M KIDDING!!...Anyway, I need your ass-istance… Yeah, we're scoping out a chick that should live around you… Good, good. I'll fax you a plane ticket… Then I'll write one… They'll take it, because I SAID SO….I AM GOD! DON'T LOOK AT MKE LIKE THAT!!! ... Good. See ya in a bit, eh.''

* * *

Eminor (Ee-my-ner) stopped in front of the meeting point for Axel to pick her up after a long, tedious flight. Axel was late. As usual.

"He had better have a good explanation for this," she grumbled. "You know,'' she said, turning to the pigeon on the bench next to her, "he always does this!"

The pigeon cooed in understanding. Or so she thought.

"He had better not be in one of those abusive relationships again."

The pigeon blinked.  
"Yeah, the last time, it was a sadist. I'm not even kidding, he got beat up, ba-aaaa-aaad."

The pigeon, mistaking her last, drawn-out word as a sheep, flew away in terror.

"Hey! Don't go, COME BACK!" She screamed, causing the rest of neighboring pigeons to fly away more frightened than the first.

"No! Don't go! I'm all alone!"

By now, all nearby living creatures inhabiting the park had fled for their lives.

Just then, the roar of a motorcycle could be heard. She watched as Axel stopped in front of her, offered her a helmet, and forced her to sit down behind him, and sped off.

"Where are we going?'' She asked, but could not be heard over the roar of the engine.

"WHAT?" He responded.

"WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME!?" She shrieked just as they stopped at a red light, causing all neighboring citizens to turn and stare, while one of them rang up the police.

"Didn't I explain the situation on the phone?" Axel asked.

"No…" Eminor responded.

"Oh…my bad, eh. Well, I'm helping with the Kira case, eh. Hold on, green light."

Eminor tightened her grip as Axel quickly weaved between cars and trucks, flipping passing drivers off occasionally.

"Axel, we're not in Ottawa. Please drive slower, I would rather not die on a motorcycle with you," she said drily.

"Dude, you've forgotten that I can drive with my eyes closed," he retorted.

"Please don't try it," she said as he sped up.

"WHAT?'' He asked.

"I SAID- NEVERMIND!"

"WHAT!?''

"NEVERMIND!''

"WHAT!?''

"WHAT!?''

* * *

Reviews please.

Lyl,

AD and KE


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the delay, I was in Europe for a couple weeks and couldn't get this typed. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and who's patient enough to wait for this.

* * *

Finally, Axel and Eminor arrived at Task Force Headquarters. In the elevator, Axel told her why he had asked her to come to Japan, as well as requested that she e-mail him profiles of all the lesbians in Phoenix. The elevator stopped ion the seventh floor, and they got out.

"Yo, guys, this is Keyof Eminor," Axel said.

"Just call me Eminor," Eminor added.

"As in the key of e minor, with F#?" Light asked.

"Yup. 'Keyof' is one word, and so is 'Eminor'," the blonde said.

As soon as her eyes fell on L, romantic music began playing in her head. L was beautiful. He was perfect. He was –

"Sorry, that's my phone," Axel said, turning and answering the small device.

"Hello?" He froze, his body tense as though prepared to fight. "Who is this? ... How'd you get my number? ... What do you want? ... I go by Axel now... Yes... Yes... I can't tell you that... Yes... No... No... Yes... R-really? ... No, I – ... Yes... I understand... Whatever you want... O-okay... Okay... I'll see you then... Bye."

Axel's voice cracked as he said the last word. He closed his cell phone and put it back in his pocket.

"Axxie, are you okay?" Eminor asked.

"Eh?" The psychiatrist said, turning to his friend.

"Your hand's shaking."

"Oh... Um, do you remember that sadist I was dating back when I was getting my MD?"

"The one who 'wrote' his name in your back?"

"Yeah. That was him. H-he wants to meet with me. He apparently has information about Kira."

"I'm sure he doesn't know anything. Besides, if you're right, then we pretty much already know who Kira is."

"And if I'm wrong? If he knows something that we don't, it could help us."

"What if it's just an excuse?"

"Eem, I was beating up guys twice my size before I got my psychology degree. Jason is no big deal."

"I agree with Eminor," L said. "If this man is dangerous, you shouldn't go meet him."

"Thank you," was Eminor's comment.

"That's why I'm sending Light with you. Light will take Misa on a date and follow you."

............................

Axel braced himself for the confrontation with Jason. He walked up to the apartment, silently muttering prayers. He took a deep breath, knocked on the door, and waited. Jason poked his head out and smiled.

"Axel, darling, it's been so long," he purred.

"I'm just here for the Kira information," Axel said, getting straight to the point.

"Let's walk," Justin suggested.

"Let's not."

"Ke – "

"Axel," the psychiatrist corrected immediately.

"Fine then… _Axel_… You don't have much choice. If you want your information, you'll go for a walk with me."

Axel pursed his lips and sighed.

"Fine."

"There's a good boy," Jason smirked.

"Fuck you," Axel muttered under his breath. Jason didn't appear to hear him.

As they walked, Axel tried to get Jason to tell him what he knew. Jason, of course, was being evasive.

"So, what do you know about Kira?"

"I remember when we used to go for walks like this," Jason sighed.

"We never went for walks. You always slapped me when I suggested it."

"… Oh yeah… But… You know I didn't mean it…"

"You didn't? So you just hit me by accident?"

"No, that's not what I mean. I – "

"Forget it," Axel snapped. "We're getting off topic. Tell me about Kira. Now."

Jason stopped walking. Axel did too and he (Jason, not Axel) smirked. Axel suddenly felt cold. Before he could do anything, Jason grabbed him and slammed him against the wall of a building, crushing their lips together.

From across the street, Light watched this. He hesitated to see what Axel would do.

"I've missed you so much," Jason whispered against Axel.

"Let go of me," Axel warned.

Jason didn't, so Axel kneed him in the gut. Jason growled and punched Axel in the face, knocking him to the ground.

'_Stupid fucking heels making hard to keep balance…'_

Axel began to stand, but Jason kicked him in the chest. Axel collapsed momentarily. Much to his annoyance, Light chose this moment to tackle Jason. Jason kicked Light off of him and punched him in the face and kicked him repeatedly. Axel threw Jason to the ground and kicked him in the face, possibly breaking his nose. He grabbed Light by the arm.

"Come on!" he ordered.

The two of them booked it down the street. When they stopped a few blocks away, Axel punched the wall.

"Axel?"

"What is wrong with you? I told you to stay back!"

"I did."

"Look, Pretty Boy. When I said 'Stay back and don't get involved', I didn't mean come out of nowhere and tackle him."

"He… I thought…"

"Oh, fucker," Axel sighed. Light looked a little on the traumatized side. "Come here."

Axel pulled the boy to him protectively.

"Are you hurt?" He asked softly.

Light shook his head.

"Do you want to sit down?"

Light shook his head.

"Are you cold? Thirsty?"

Light lifted his head to ask what was with the checklist, but his lips accidentally met Axel's.

Axel froze for a moment, but slipped his eyes shut and kissed Light against his conscious will.

Light knew that this was wrong. He had a girlfriend. Axel was a man. Still, he found himself kissing back. It felt good. More than that, it felt _right_. It was like their lips were designed from one-another.

Axel pulled back almost suddenly. He ran his fingers through his navy blue hair, his cheeks flushed.

"Let's get back," he said.

* * *

Reviews help Axel and Light get togther. Oh, and Emiinor and L too...

-AD- & -KE-


	4. Chapter 4

-sniff- No reviews for the last chapter? Why not?

(AXEL: -hugs-)

(Light: -glares from closet-)

No Wal-Mart employees were harmed in the making of this chapter.

* * *

Axel walked into the room where the rest of the team was and whistled through his teeth. The team turned to look at him.

"Yo, Eem, I need a consult."

Eminor walked over to Axel and followed him down the hall.

"What's up?" She asked as the psychiatrist began pacing nervously.

"I… I kissed Light," he admitted quietly.

"What!?!"

"Well, actually, _he_ kind of' kissed _me_, but whatever."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"Well… um… don't stress. Things will work out," Eminor said kindly.

"Dude, I don't need feel better shit. What should I do?"

"_You're_ asking _me_? _You're_ the psychiatrist. Just pretend you're helping someone else in this situation."

"He has a girlfriend. That's already two points against this. Besides, he was freaked out. He was probably just looking fo0r comfort and I was there. Oh my God, he probably thinks I was trying to take advantage of him. I need to talk to him."

"I'll tell him you need to talk to him. Tell me what he says!!"

"Will do," Axel promised.

…………………..

"What is it, Axel?" Light asked.

"Hey, Pretty Boy. I… um… Okay, well, I just wanted to tell you that… um… I… um…" Axel trailed off, trying to find a way to say what he meant without sounding like a creeper.

"You um?" Light asked.

"I'm sorry for the whole thing after the Jason thing. I wasn't trying to take advantage of you or anything, just so you know. I'm sorry."

"I… it was my fault… It was an accident. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it… Hey that reminds me; where's Barbie-chick?"

…………………………..

By this time, Misa was curled up in a ball on the floor, covered in bird poop and dirt, her bag stolen and her skirt torn. After a dog mistook her for a stray car tire and urinated on her before leaving, she decided to use her most prized back-up emergency mechanism; her cell phone.

"Nine… One… One…" She gasped.

She hit the number nine on the keypad. Her heart skipped a beat, her eyes widened in utter fear as she had one of the most revealing epiphanies of her life.

"THERE'S NO NUMBER 11 ON THE PHONE!!!"

…………………

Axel sat in front of his laptop in the corner of the room. He was playing with the silver ring in. his ear. He was reviewing profiles for a possible Kira. It was quiet except for the click of keyboards. All of a sudden, Axle lifted his head, ripping the piercing out.

"Got it! Ah, mother fu– [CENCORED] --------------------------------- [STILL CENCEORED] ------------------------------------- [HANG ON] --------------------------------------- [JUST A SEC] ---------------------------- SHIT!!! Ow! Does anyone have a Kleenex?" He said.

Watari, God bless him, walked over with a box or tissues and some ice. Axel took them and thanked the old man.

"Do you know why Kira is?"

"Uh-huh. Open the file I just sent. Ah, shit…"

"Samantha Delray, 27 years old… I don't think she is Kira," L said.

"What!?! Why the hell not?" Axel demanded.

"This woman's girlfriend died last week."

"Yes, but said girlfriend was having and affair; with a man, I might add."

"You think that makes her Kira?" Aizawa asked.

"Yes, I do."

"Why?"'

"Fro-dude, are you marries?"

"Yes," Aizawa answered, trying to ignore the nick-name Axel had given him.

"If your wife was screwing a woman behind your back, would you be pissed?"

"Not enough to _kill _her."

"Delray hates men to the extreme. She has a history of aggression. I've seen this before," Axel murmured. "She's Kira."

"You've seen _this_?"

"Not exactly _this_, but a patient of mine had stabbed his girlfriend and the guy she was cheating on him with."

"So how do we question her?"

"What do I look like, a police? You guys are the cops. And you're in luck; she's here on vay-kay."

"On what?" Mr. Yagami asked.

"Vacation, Captain. She's here on vacation."

……………………………..

Light, Mr. Yagami and Eminor were preparing to arrest Samantha Delray.

"Can I come?" Axel asked hopefully.

"Yes!" Eminor said at the same time as Mr. Yagami said "No!"

"Aw, come on, Captain. What's the worst that could happen?"

Task Force thought about the worst that could happen if Axel went along.

_-Enter the James Bond theme music-_

_After Light successfully performed several consecutive combat rolls across the street and hid behind a shrub, he stage-whispered to Mr. Yagami, Axel and Eminor: "It's okay to come now!"_

_Axel walked across the street calmly._

"_You're such a loser, Pretty Boy," he said flatly, loading and AK47 from God only know where._

_He looked around almost boredly._

"_Where did you get that?" demanded._

"_I _**stole**_it!" Axel said in a manly way._

"_But psychiatrists aren't supposed to have guns," Eminor pointed out._

"_Well f*ck that!"_

_Axel kicked down the nearest door on the street._

"_LOCK AND LOAD, BABY! WHAT DO WE WANT? WE WANT THE EARTH! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? **NOW, MOTHERFU **_(1)_–BEEP-"_

"_Axel, watch your language," Eminor ordered._

"_-beep- -beep - -beep-"_

"_Turn off your phone!" Light shouted._

_Every poor soul in Wal-Mart that witnessed this was horribly traumatized._

"_Sales associate to aisle nine, sales associate to aisle nine."_

"Yeah…" Light said. "You're not coming."

* * *

(1) - From Eddie Izzard's Jesus and the Dinosaurs

For anyone who didn't get it, that last part in italics was them imagining a scenario. Reviews, please :D

-AD- & -KE-


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the delay... I lost my USB key and had to take math in summer school...

* * *

"Samantha Delray?" Axel asked, sitting down at the table in the interrogation room.

"Yes."

"Do you know why you're here?"

"Your cops think I'm Kira."

'_My cops,'_ Axel repeated, snickering on the inside at the mental image of… never mind, the image became traumatizing…

"That's right," Axel said. "Do you think you're Kira?"

"Yes."

Axel didn't have to try hard to hide his surprise.

"Can you tell me how you kill people? I'm sorry if this is a personal question, but I do need to ask it," he said with a smile, the one he found worked best when trying to get people to feel less threatened by questions.

"I can't."

"Samantha – can I call you Samantha? – You can trust me. Beli-"

"You don't understand. He'll kill me if I tell you," Samantha said, tears filling her eyes.

"You don't have to worry. He won't find out you've told me, I promise."

'_Whoever __he__ is…'_

Samantha laughed, which didn't surprise Axel. What did surprise him, however, was her response.

"How can you say he won't find out when he's right behind you?" She demanded.

Axel promised he couldn't hurt her, that he wouldn't let her, if only she'd trust him.

"I don't want to die," she sobbed.

"You're not going to die," Axel assured the near-hysterical woman.

Before she could reply, Samantha clutched her chest and fell to the floor.

Eyes wide, Axel jumped over the table, knelt down beside Samantha and began doing CPR, with no result.

L, Eminor, Light and Mr. Yagami all watched in silence until Axel shouted "Help please!" the four of them hurried into the interrogation room.

Mr. Yagami checked Samantha's pulse.

Axel was still doing CPR desperately, but Mr. Yagami could see the tears in his eyes.

"Somebody, call an ambulance," he cried.

"Axel, she's dead," Eminor said softly.

Axel stopped the CPR and nodded, biting his lip.

Meanwhile, L walked around the room. He stopped. He sniffed. He spun around. He knelt down and licked the floor. he flailed his arms about madly and made bird noises.

"Ca- caw! Caw! Caw! Caaaww!"

Everyone was silent.

"Nope, no-one was here," he stated.

"Great," Mr. Yagami muttered. "Instead of finding a killer, you found a schizophrenic woman. We should have known better than to listen to this kid."

Axel heard this. He pursed his lips to a thin line and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Axel!" Eminor called, chasing after him. "Axel, wait up!"

"He's right," Axel muttered.

"How is he right?" Eminor demanded.

"I was wrong."

"What's the big deal? Everyone is once in a while."

"Eem, it _is_ a big deal! I've spent years learning how to diagnose mental illnesses and how to analyse people! If I can't do that, then the last… six years of my life have been a waste!"

Axel curled up into a ball in a corner and wailed.

"Shh… There, there, Axxie. You'll be fine," Eminor said, hugging him.

"Five more minutes," he whimpered between sobs.

"…"

Axel continued crying for the next four minutes and 37 seconds.

"Time's up," Eminor stated.

"I've got 23 seconds left!"

--- 23 seconds later ---

"Okay, I'm done," Axel said as he got up, stretched and yawned, wiping his eyes.

"Good to know," Eminor said drily.

"Let's review everything again."

……………………………

"Axxie, it's late. You should go home," Eminor said.

"Mmm, just a minute," the psychiatrist yawned.

"It's almost midnight. You should both go," L told the two.

"Do you want a ride, Axxie?" The American woman asked.

"Nah, I'm good."

Axel closed his laptop and left. L and Eminor were alone.

Eminor looked out the window, making sure Axel got safely to his bike and watched him speed off. She hoped that he didn't fall asleep at the wheel er… handlebars.

She suddenly remembered L in the corner of the room. She noticed he was spacing out with and empty plate and fork in his hands. Quietly she cut two more slices of the large chocolate cake and put them on some plates. She sat down next to him and handed him on eof the plates. They ate un silence until he said:

"What if Axel was right?"

"Axel _was_ right. Since Samantha died last week, the killing pattern has changed completely.

"Hmmm..."

L trailed off, munching on his cake.

It was midnight and Eminor was dead tired. The silence provoked her sleepiness, making her yawn and blink tiredly.

"You're tired, go get some rest," said L, putting down the plate.

He got no verbal response, but he felt a weight on his shoulder. Looking across to her, he found her fast asleep, leaning on him.

With a sigh, L picked up the sleeping blonde and put her on a bed in a different room. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the sky through the window. Looking at the stars, the detective slowly fell asleep, falling on the bed next to Eminor.

* * *

Reviews please!!!

-AD-


End file.
